Are You Bragging About Your Partner Enough?
Sometimes, love is saying, “you’re a badass,” and actually meaning it.
Hello and welcome, readers! I’ve recently had an influx of new subscribers, and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge how grateful I am for everyone here. If you’d like to learn more about Yes, Misstrix and what to expect, start with this post. The short version is that I write quirky posts about sex, love and relationships. Although I treat the deeper subjects with the seriousness they deserve, most of my work leads with humor. I am passionate about the work I do here. Thank you for joining me on this wild and crazy ride.
A couple years ago, I was in Ohio with my family and working remotely. I had a big interview coming up for an article I was writing for alive magazine. I write a couple stories for this publication every year, and although the pay leaves much to be desired, I continue to work with alive because the stories they ask me to write are always interesting. And as long-time readers of this newsletter know, I am willing to endure a lot for a delightfully good story.
After I finished the interview, my parents told me they were impressed. “It really sounded like you knew what you were doing out there,” my mom said (mostly joking). Yes, the very expensive journalism school education they paid for was not for naught. I’m a real journalist sometimes. They could now brag to their friends that I sometimes write things that other people sometimes read—in this case a story about “The Game Changers” documentary.
I was recently reminded of this encounter with my parents—who, presumably, up until that point figured I was flailing around unsuccessfully in the world of magazine journalism—when I read a lovely post about a woman who had committed to bragging 365 times in 2023. It got me thinking about bragging in general and how most of us should be doing it more.
I’m one of those people who hates the advice to “be humble.” Most people do not need this advice. On the contrary, the vast majority of people need to celebrate themselves more. Humble should be reserved for people who take too much and give too little, like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk and Elizabeth Holmes (to name a precious few).
But we don’t just need to be bragging about ourselves so that our parents understand we are exceptionally talented writers. We also need to be bragging about our partners. The person (or people) we love benefit from knowing that we think they are badasses in life and freaks in the bed (or however you feel…). Sometimes complimenting our significant other isn’t enough. We need to hype them up to other people, too.
It's one thing for your person to know that you adore them. It’s another for them to know that in addition to sometimes ranting about them to your closest friends, you ALSO give rave reviews about them to those same friends, some family members, a bunch of coworkers and, should the occasion arise, a random bystander or two. I did this recently when I explained how my husband who hates fun is also an amazingly brilliant employee that many companies don’t deserve.
[Quick side note that after reading the post linked above, R. threatened to begin a Substack that tells his side of the story in response every newsletter I write. He joked that it would be paid only. Don’t worry, friends, I assured him that no one would read that, and he really shouldn’t bother.]
Where was I? Oh yes, bragging about my husband. I do this easily and often. It helps that I actually like R., so if you’re reading this and thinking that bragging about your partner is going to require a heavy lift for you to figure out what to say, you might consider that your current person should not be your for-much-longer person.
In the case of R., I describe him to pretty much everyone as super hot and the funniest person I’ve ever met. If you’ve asked me about R., you know this. I rarely deviate from that description. But of course, he’s more than that, too. He’s extremely good in bed, for one thing, and he has this insane ability to talk BIG IMPORTANT PEOPLE off the ledge during high-stress, emotionally charged business meetings. See? That’s a bunch of things right there, and only some of them were about him being sexy. New level of partner bragging unlocked!
Now, I encourage you to do the same. At the very least, start to balance the number of times you say something like this, “At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s putting random shit in the recycling on purpose. There’s no other reason than he wants to slowly drive me insane. HE IS A SMART PERSON. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!” with the number of times you say something like this, “My man knows so much about so many topics, but somehow isn’t obnoxious as fuck about it. It’s impressive! He can hold a conversation with pretty much anyone about anything. I mean, look, are birds my thing? No. But my friend’s partner fucking loves birds, and now, he has someone to share that with who, blessedly, isn’t me.”
You get the idea. For bonus points, however, make sure your partner is within earshot at least some of the times you’re bragging about them. You want to get credit for this important work you’re doing out in the world, especially if it ends up translating into more frequent trips to Pleasuretown.
My mind in the gutter aside, bragging about your partner to other people in front of your partner is an act of love. Unless your person is dangerously insecure, they’re going to appreciate some thoughtful and well-timed comments about how wonderful they are. Be honest. Don’t overdo it. But definitely make the effort. I think you’ll find doing so will improve your relationship. It couldn’t hurt, right?
With pleasure,
Yes, Misstrix
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