Human Design + Your Romantic Relationships
"The magic of human design comes from understanding that everyone is so different."
Here at Yes, Misstrix, I often have the pleasure of speaking with amazing people doing fascinating work in the realm of sex, sexuality, relationships and desire. In part two of my interview with Dani Sage, a mystic for the modern era and the savvy business woman behind the Good Vibes Hive, we talk about what human design can do to elevate your partnership. If you missed it, you can check out part one here.
Yes, Misstrix: We left off with you sharing some human design 101, which was fascinating. Can you talk a little bit about what human design can do for couples?
Dani Sage: On the one hand, just knowing your individual human design is so transformational, but I really think that the magic of human design comes from understanding that everyone is so different. I think sometimes we get in the headspace of thinking that were not that special or that other people see the world the way that we see it or other people respond or should respond to the world the way that we respond to it. But when we look at another person's human design chart, you can see their designs are so much different than you are. Especially in couples, it can be so transformational in a relationship.
A really great example of this is the authority that we were talking about. You and I have emotional authority, and what dictates that in human design is that you and I both have a defined solar plexus center. If someone had an undefined solar plexus center in human design, they're considered non-emotional. It's kind of a misnomer because their true state is emotional neutrality but because it's undefined, they are very easily influenced by their environment. So, if they walk into a room or someone's in a bad mood, they might get in a bad mood, and they don't know why, they're just picking up that energy from someone else. People with an undefined solar plexus center has have complete clarity in the moment.
My husband is undefined, and if we are having an argument, he knows exactly what he wants to say and can perfectly express how he's feeling and communicate clearly in the moment. When you have a defined solar plexus center, you don't have that instant clarity. It can just feel like what you want to say is swirling around but you can't grab onto it. So, I remember when we first started dating I would say, ‘I just need a minute,’ and he would be like, ‘Why are you running away from this discussion? We're not in an argument.’ I'm like, ‘I know, but I can't clearly tell you how I'm feeling or what I want to say because I can't even find the words to say it.’ And learning looking at his chart and looking at my chart, I learned that he does have complete clarity, so he knows what he wants to say.
So, when we have to have like a challenging discussion, the way it works now is I will hear him out, fully absorb it and then I'll take maybe 15 minutes in my own energy in a different room to think about what he said to me and what I want to say back. Then, I go back and finish the discussion. Just knowing that, our conversations are so much more productive, and they never get emotional because I'm allowing myself space and he's honoring that I need the space because it's in my chart. Whereas, before he'd be like, ‘I don't understand why you're walking away.’
So, pointing that out to people in relationships in their charts can be helpful. If you both need a minute, you might be completely into your discussion and say you need space or to sleep on it and come back to the conversation in the morning. If you both are undefined, you might have the clearest, most concise discussions, and you don't need to step away and you don't need to sleep on it. Whereas you mix the two different ones, and it can be a little confusing about why your significant other wants to step away from you for 15 minutes before coming back. It might look like they're running away from an argument when really an argument might get worse because if I'm trying to say something without clarity, who knows what kind of word vomit comes out.
YM: Are there certain types or certain authorities that are more compatible with one another or is it just more about understanding what you're working with?
DS: It's more about understanding what you're working with. I've done couples sessions where the couple have the exact same design type but then parts of their chart can differ really greatly, and so they might operate on the same level well in some ways but be completely different in others. It’s so cool to be able to point those things out.
With respect to my husband and I, I’m a Manifestor, and he's a Projector. We're both non-energy types. If we run out of steam, no matter what we're trying to work on around the house or whatever, that's it. We have to honor our energy and call it quits for the day. But I have couples that are both energy types, so a Generator and a Generator or Manifesting Generator and a Generator, and they are just machines as couples. They get so much done. My husband and I, as a couple, we’re like, ‘Man, they are always doing something!’ and then you find out that what their human designs are and it makes sense. They don't need as much rest as we do.
But really, I think once you know your design types, honoring that energy and the need for a rest is important. How you're supposed to show up in the world can be so different from each other, so just honoring that and appreciating it can go a long way. I love my Projector husband. The way he sees the world is so magical and fascinating to me and so different. And it's such a gift. But then he also recognizes all the gifts within my chart as well.
YM: Awesome. Can you talk a little bit more about some of the revelations that have come through when people do a reading with their partners? What are some of the things that tend to be transformative for them?
DS: The emotional center is such a big one when that comes up and they’re different. I would say just understanding the energy and non-energy types is helpful, too. I've even seen it in family units as well. I’ve done readings for parents and their children, and I have clients where the husband and wife are energy types—a Generator and a Manifesting Generator—and their little girl, she’s six, and she’s a Projector. And the parents are amazing parents. On Saturday morning, the mom is like, ‘OK, this is what we're going to do today. We're going to make pancakes. We're going to decorate cupcakes. Let's draw a picture for your friend whose birthday it is today.’ And a few hours in, little Projector girl is like, ‘Oh my gosh, can I go take a nap?’ She's reached her limit of the energy output she can handle for the day, and she just wants to retreat away to her room and hang out with her stuffed animals.
I think when I read their charts, the mom specifically was like, ‘I plan all these things on Saturdays. I'm trying to be this really fun mom.’ And it's like, ‘Yea, that's so fun for you, but for your very chill Projector child, she doesn’t want that many activities in a day. It’s important for her to be in her own space to recharge.’ Watching them learn that within their family dynamic was a revelation for them.
YM: It sounds like that would change everything about how you parent your child.
DS: Totally. I'm trying to think if there are any other ones that I can think of off the top of my head. Finding out my husband has a five in his profile, so he has that savior energy as well was interesting. He also has The Hermit archetype. So, he's a Hermit Savior, and the way that that shows up is that I would always call him such a people pleaser. I'm like, ‘Why are you like trying to take care of so many people?’ and then reading his chart, I found out he’s literally designed to do that. He’s not doing it out of a need to make people like him or whatever. It's his energy. It’s that he loves when he feels called to step up and help people anyway that he can. But it's also incredibly important for him to retreat away and be in his own energy, which still is something that I have to remind him of as his wife and his human design chart reader. ‘It’s amazing you want to do all this, but you need your alone time so much. Make sure you're caring for yourself.’
YM: Now that you know his archetypes, it sounds like there are behaviors of his that are much clearer.
DS: Definitely with the Savior energy because I don't have that archetype at all in my chart. I'm the Networker Investigator. We kind of have two opposing energies within our archetypes. I have the Networker archetype, and he has the Hermit archetype. I love going out and just being around as many people as possible and trying to make connections. Or, in having that Investigator energy in me, I will we'll be sitting like at a bar having cocktails, and I'm like, ‘I want to know who the bartender thinks would play them in a movie,’ and I'll just ask them. I'm sitting there, and I want to know more about this person, so I end up in these conversations with strangers where my Hermit husband is just nodding along and, I know, just dreaming about being back at home under a blanket with our rescue dogs. Whereas I'm like, ‘What else can I ask this person?’
YM: That's so funny. Have you either of you changed any behaviors as a result of the better understanding that you have?
DS: I definitely have. An interesting thing about your profile is one of the archetypal energies is a subconscious energy that you kind of grow into and the other energy is your conscious energy that you've been aware of the entire time. I never fully related to the Networker because I would hear the word ‘networking,’ and it gives me the ick. So, growing into it and really understanding that Networker archetype doesn't mean networking in the traditional business sense, but as I embody that archetype, that flows into my life, and it's so easy. It's not something that I'm fighting. Instead of saying, ‘I don't want to talk to this person. They're going to think I'm weird,’ now it's like, ‘Oh, it's in my chart. I have to find out more about this person.’ And it has led to the most amazing opportunities, and the most amazing relationships and friendships. I'm glad that I embrace it, instead of not really understanding that part of me.
YM: So, it changed how you relate to yourself. Does it change how you relate to your husband, knowing that you have such differences in your archetypes?.
DS: They're definitely opposing archetypal energies, the Networker and the Hermit. Now, I know that we can want to do completely different things at the same time. So, he's not unhappy if I want to go out with my friends and leave him home on the couch. He does not have FOMO at all. He's having just as much fun as I am out with my friends just chilling with his own energy. Understanding that means I’m not being like, ‘Oh, maybe I should stay home and keep him company’ because he probably doesn't even want that.
YM: Have you noticed that your husband has a better understanding of himself and your partnership now that he is familiar with his chart? Has it changed how he shows up in the world?
DS: Absolutely. So, first of all, he's not in my world, this kind of woo-woo world. I have been reading tarot cards since the eighth grade, and I think I got him to let me read his tarot cards once in our whole 15-year relationship. When I started learning how to read other people's human design charts, I asked him to let me do his chart. I remember we were just sitting on the couch one day, and I started reading his chart out loud to him and what I had written down. He was like, ‘Did you write this about me?’ I said, ‘No. I mean, I wrote it about you, but it’s important that I got from human design. I didn’t make this up.” He said that it was the most accurate thing.
Nothing else really resonates with him. For example, if he takes a personality test or his Enneagram or even his sun sign—he’s an Aries—that never really resonated with him. But human design, that just resonated with him so much, and he's not completely familiar with his chart, but I can tell what his favorite parts are because he'll bring them up. I’ll say something like, ‘Do you want to go?’ And he’ll say, ‘I really should be in Hermit mode.’ So, it’s like, okay, yes, I will honor that.
Or, a part of being undefined in your solar plexus center or being non-emotional, is a person will really thrive if they have a practice that brings them back to neutral. If they feel anything other than neutral, like anxious or stressed out, knowing what gets them back to neutral for them and going to that practice is really helpful. For some of my undefined solar plexus clients, that can look like meditation going for a walk. But for him, it is sitting down to play a video game for an hour. He is not the same person who started playing as he is when he finished. I don't know what it does for him but it clears his mind so much and brings him back to that neutral place. Him knowing that has been such an amazing tool for when he does feel anxious. He's like, ‘I need to go find my neutral activity,’ and it's usually playing a video game for an hour and just watching him get a handle on that has been really amazing.
YM: It’s awesome that he’s taking some of that information to heart. So, if someone comes in and has their chart read as an individual, is it helpful to understand who they might be compatible with based on some of the features of the reading? I’m thinking about how in astrology, they will tell you certain sun signs are more or less compatible with others. Is it the same for types and other human design characteristics?
DS: It is different. I know there are some schools of thought in human design, where they will say these two types are going to be really great, and these two types maybe not so much, but I've done so many couples readings and have seen every combination of energy types possible within a relationship. Like with everything else, there are things within a chart that are really challenging for those people based on the way they're designed, and then there are things that they either have in common, so they can really relate to each other, or how they differ is admirable to each other.
Even though they are different in some respects, they love that about their partner. Maybe they love that their partner gets so excited about things that they have to wait 24 hours to calm down. Or their partner loves that they have so much clarity in the moment and what that looks like when they have conversations as a couple. So, it’s not like astrology in the sense that there are incompatible human design types. There are challenges and opportunities in every relationship.
YM: That’s very positive. Do you find that a lot of your couples clients come in because they are looking for better ways to connect or do some people use it as a type of therapy to better understand each other and find the ways they can improve their relationship?
DS: I would say, a little of both. Thankfully, I have clients where a couples reading starts with one client coming in and doing it for themselves. And then, at some point in the reading, they’ll wonder what their partner is. I talk about the other types because I think it's really interesting for my clients to know that they are so different and special, and that they're not like everybody else. So, I'll say, ‘This is the way you operate. Whereas, if you were a Menifestor, it'd be totally different.’ And you can see the wheels turning with them being like, ‘I wonder what my significant other is. They sound like a projector when you talk about that type and blah, blah blah.’ Then, it never fails, within a week they are in there together, and I’m doing both of their charts with them.
YM: How do the couples readings go? Do you go back and forth with how they match and differ in their charts?
DS: When I do a couple's reading, I have both charts pulled up, and I'll say, ‘This is where you're different,’ and I'll point to it in the chart, and ‘This is where you’re the same, and this is how that can show up in your relationship.’ I’ll give a few examples. With an individual reading, I'm just going straight through and saying, ‘This is you, and this is how you move throughout the world.
Human design is so magical because it is about how you interact with others. No one's an island. So, I could tell you, ‘This is who you are,’ but if there was no one else around, you wouldn't really be different from anyone because there's only just you. So, hearing what someone else is like and being like, ‘Oh my gosh, that is not how I am at all, and I've just never understood why when you do this—it doesn't make any sense to me.’ When you hear that in a couple, but then you understand that the person you're with is literally designed to behave this way, it's like something clicks. Then you can say, ‘Sorry, I just didn't know why you weren't acting like me.’
YM: I love that this work is creating a deeper understanding for people in relationships. OK, Dani, before we wrap up, I would love for you to tell everyone how they can find you and work with you.
DS: You can find me at GoodVibesHive.com. I'm also always on Instagram @goodvibeshive. On my website, there is a tab that says human design. There is so much more information on there. I have a ton of blog posts, too, if you just want to get more familiar with the information before doing a reading. There is also a free human design chart calculator on my website that gives you all the information in your chart. You might not be able to understand it, but there are a couple of blog posts on my website that could get you to where you're a little more familiar with the aspects of your chart.
When you're ready for a human design reading, that same human design tab on my website has information about where you can book a session. The readings can be done in person at the Good Vibes Hive, if you're in Columbus, Ohio, or you want to visit Columbus. Ohio, but I also love doing them virtually.
With pleasure,
Yes, Misstrix