My Husband is the Most Annoying Person I Know
Because he’s the only person I’d ever let get close enough to annoy me to this extent.
“Don’t be offended by the title of the newsletter on Thursday,” I said off-handedly to R. “Why?” he responded. “Is it ‘I have the most annoying husband?’” I laughed and told him he was pretty close. This happens a lot in our household. R. and I are really good at reading one another’s minds.
Generally, you’d think that would be a good thing, and for the most part, it is. I’d guess that 95 percent of the time, we’re effortlessly on the same page. The problem is that wayward five percent when we have wildly different views about the way things should be (and a weirdly hard time seeing the other person’s perspective).
I often think about the fact that when people come together in partnership it requires some meshing to make it work. We all have maddening quirks and annoying habits, obnoxious opinions and irritating traits. When two (or more) people choose to make a life together, they tacitly agree to take the good with the bad. They decide that they can live with the whole of us, even the parts that make them a little crazy.
R. and I have made such an agreement. He deals with it when I’m overly particular or extremely laissez faire about unimportant things—things like how best to feed the baby to minimize the face mess or my refusal to stack the cutlery when I drop the forks and spoons into their respective sections of the drawer organizer—in a way that drives him up the wall. Yes, I’m a lot. In return, I (mostly) hold my tongue when R. fucks up my recycling bin with his unwashed containers and plastic bags.
The fascinating bit about all of this is that the person you’re closest to is often the one who annoys you the most. That’s certainly the case for me. I love R. more than anyone in the world, but my god, does this man irritate me sometimes. And maybe this is just my oddball way of seeing the world, but I think that’s how it should be. People can’t annoy us if we don’t let them in. The ones who push our buttons the most are the ones who know our buttons intimately (which sounds kind of dirty…I like it).
Think about it this way: When someone at the bar is being a loud blowhard, you’re probably annoyed because that person is in your immediate vicinity, ruining your good time. Then, you go home and you don’t give them another thought. Their ability to irritate you in the short-term is great. Their ability to irritate you long-term is nonexistent.
Now, compare that to your spouse or partner. They cook dinner but aren’t the clean-as-they-go type. They fill the pots and pans from dinner with dish soap and water, presumably to let them soak, and leave them until morning. After a night with the baby, you wake up early and feel obligated to wash them, so you can have your sink/kitchen space back. Later, your partner does some laundry but forgets to clean out the dryer trap. And on and on and on.
None of these little irritants are a big deal on their own, and they are, of course, interspersed with sweet and loving acts, like the cup of coffee they make for you each morning or the home projects they tackle so you never have to worry. But this person is right there with you every single day. They have a million opportunities to annoy the hell out of you!
When you’re having a rough day or feeling out of sorts and want nothing more than to lash out at someone (anyone), they are the person who takes the hit. Even our most maddening relatives have limited reach when it comes to pushing us to the brink. They aren’t the ones who share our bedrooms, who know our deepest secrets and insecurities, who are always freakin’ around even when we could really use some goddamn space. Our partners, on the other hand, check all of these boxes and more.
So, yea, my husband annoys me greatly and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In my mind, the alternative is that we aren’t super close or we live separate lives in the same home or we stop being our full selves around one another. I’d rather be irked from time to time than have an invisible wall of false perfection between us. I’ll always prefer to finish each other’s sentences and make the same dorky jokes to one another, even if that means we sometimes need to go to our separate corners and regroup later.
My hope is that you find a partner you let get close enough to drive you a little nuts. If the rom-coms have taught us anything, it’s that a little bit of love-hate is necessary for raunchy, cinematic sex. And sure, that may not be totally realistic, but who doesn’t want their own version of a movie-worthy happily ever after? In the grand scheme of a relationship, a little bit of annoyance goes a very long way.
With pleasure,
Yes, Misstrix