Some Thoughts on Self-Love

Prefer to read along? Check out the full transcript for the episode below.

Hello and welcome to the second audio companion to the Yes, Misstrix newsletter. Thank you to everyone who shared kind words about my first foray into this audio world. I’m having a ton of fun, and while there’s plenty of room for improvement, I’m proud of how things are coming together. The only other note I have before we dive into this week’s topic is to remind everyone that the full audio episodes are only available to paid subscribers. Everyone else gets a snippet. If you’re enjoying the content, please consider upgrading your subscription. The cost is $8 per month or $88 per year. Thank you in advance for considering!

Now, onto the good stuff. This week’s companion is called some thoughts on self-love. This is another topic that’s been on my mind for a while. It will pop into the forefront of my consciousness from time to time because of a particular platitude people seem to love expressing on repeat. I’m willing to bet you’ve heard it before. The common refrain is this: You can only ever love someone else to the extent you love yourself. When enough people say it enough times, there’s a tendency to stop questioning whether that sentiment is actually true. We simply accept it as truth. I personally think that’s a mistake.

Let me begin by saying that I have nothing against this life-coachy bit of advice. It’s a perfectly bland thing to tell people who are struggling to bring love into their lives. I don’t think it’s especially helpful, but I also don’t think it’s actively harmful. To me, it gives off the impression of being something people say that’s supposed to be profound but mostly isn’t. “You can only love someone else to the extent you love yourself” is in the same category as “Money can’t buy happiness” and “Everything happens for a reason.” You hear it a lot, and while there may be some truth to it, it’s definitely not the whole story.

One of the reasons why I feel a little baffled that the whole idea that your lack of self-love makes it challenging to love others is that most people would agree that its WAY easier to love someone or something else than it is to love yourself. People spend the majority of their days loving on their children or pets or friends or lovers or closest family members. It’s easy to give that love to them. Especially when it comes to children and pets, the love can feel downright overwhelming in its intensity. Have you ever felt that same intensity when you practice self-love? It’s a hell of a lot harder.