The Delicate Art of Loving from a Distance
Some relationships work best when we commit to keeping our hearts protected.
One of the best phrases I’ve ever heard about managing difficult relationships is that “some people are best loved from a distance.” Yes, I read it in an advice column. But it’s really good advice! I’ve been thinking about, practicing and proselytizing it ever since. I wish more people would consider doing the same.
Because let’s look at the evidence. Some relationships really do suck. Some people are kind of terrible to other people in their lives and, bafflingly, those people are often the very ones the haters purport to care about. I know we’ve all heard a story about someone’s unhinged family member and said to ourselves, “My god…I thought my family was bad. This is next level.”
I actually repeat this to myself relatively often with respect to my own family. While I do limit the time I spend with the kin who are truly vampiric in their ability to bring down the vibe, I am grateful that I don’t have to contend with blood relations who constantly hassle me for money or are verbally or physically abusive or guilt trip me about my life through emotional manipulation. I’m glad narcissism doesn’t run rampant through my DNA.
Not everyone can claim to be so lucky. If the number of Americans who find themselves in therapy each year gives us any clues about how many people are wasting their energy on shit-tastic relationships (“In 2021, around 41.7 million adults in the United States received treatment or counseling for their mental health within the past year,” according to Statista), more than a few people have at least one clunker in their lives that they could opt to love from a distance in order to thrive.
I know I’m making some big leaps here. Not everyone who seeks out mental health counseling is going because they’re dealing with familial trauma or toxic friendships or emotionally exhausting coworkers. This is a given. And yet, a lot of people are in therapy to address issues that stem from or are amplified by unhealthy relationships.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Yes, Misstrix to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.