The Year of Finding My People
It took 35 years, but I think I may have finally figured out friendship.
Note: This one is coming a little late. Sorry, my dear subscribers! Baby E. has just ended what seemed to be a three-day bender where she slept the minimum at night and napped basically not at all. What can I say? My kid’s a handful. She’s my kid, after all.
In 2023, I set an unofficial intention to stop spending my time and energy on people who were not good for me. I wanted to maintain and improve the relationships that mattered, while giving myself permission to slowly let the less-than-wonderful ones sail away into the sunset.
I didn’t need big dramatic confrontations or coming-to-Jesus style discussions. I figured that simply putting more or less energy into how I engaged with people would mostly enable the kinks to work themselves out. Besides, I’m not really a BIG IMPORTANT TALKS person unless I absolutely need to be. I like to avoid the awkwardness of sharing our feelings at all costs. I’d probably let an actual plague get closer to me than a person who might get emotional enough to start crying.*
The reason for dedicating an entire year to finding my people began when I realized that I was sick of continually doing the unpaid labor of keeping certain relationships alive. If I didn’t throw a question into the group chat or schedule the get-together or plan the night out, would it happen? Would the people I allowed into my inner circle rise to the occasion or let the distance between us grow? I decided to find out.
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