Are You Getting What You Want from Your Romantic Relationship?
And if you’re not currently partnered, are you attracting the right people?
A few years back, I reached out to a college friend to see if I could interview her about her perception of me. I would not have sought out this particular interaction on my own. Discovering what others think about me is generally something I’m not keen to know. In fact, I try pretty hard not to care about that sort of thing. But the assignment was part of a Purposeful Living program I was taking as a complement to my yoga training, so I did it anyway. We were asked to reach out to someone who knew us during a different part of our lives to see, in part, what traits were still a part of our personalities and in what ways we’d grown or changed.
When I asked J. what most stood out to her about me back then, she said the single word she’d use to describe me was “skeptical.” That made me laugh, which I find is generally a good indicator that someone has nailed it. I am inherently skeptical. I always have been. I trust almost no one, and (tire-changing debacle aside) I tend to question everything before considering whether it’s worth taking at face value. I know that makes me sound like one of those “Wake up, Sheeple!” weirdos, but that’s not really it. I don’t always take the contrarian opinion or do “research” to prove what I already believed to be true. I just try not to listen to the group think over my internal moral compass or intuitive insight.
The skepticism is still a part of me. Keeping this in mind, you can probably imagine what I thought when I first heard people starting to talk about manifestation: It sounded a lot like woo-woo bullshit. I found it extremely hard to believe that a version of wishful thinking and fantastical visualization could produce dream houses or dream jobs or dream vacations or whatever else without requiring a lot of time, energy, work and luck. I honestly would have rather believed that the world was merit based and enough slogging could probably get you what you wanted eventually.
But now I take psychic classes and go on self-love retreats and practice talking to dead people, so…that ship has sailed. I’ve suspended my disbelief big time. I still find the way a lot of people talk about manifesting to be fucking obnoxious, but I also despise the nonsensical way people talk about tarot and astrology and spirituality in general, so that’s not surprising. My new opinion is that manifestation is a powerful tool. I’ve used it successfully in my own life (often without realizing it until much later), and I’m working on honing this skill to even greater effect.
Manifestation has been on my mind a lot lately, which is why I’m going to attempt to talk about how and why you should use it in your romantic relationships in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a babbling idiot and turn you off from the idea entirely. This explainer is for everyone, especially the skeptics.
Before we get into manifestation itself, we have to talk a little bit about energy. If you had to suppress an eye roll there, remember that literally everything is made up of energy. Says who? Quantum physics. And not only does everything spin and vibrate energy—each thing radiates energy in its own way. We all have a unique energy signature, so to speak. This part is important.
Now, to manifest what we want, we have to be in the right energy to do so. We have to vibrate in alignment with what we want. I dipped back into the woo-woo language again, so before I lose you, let me give an example. Think about a person in your life who has the worst luck in love. Let’s call this person Androgynous Remi, lest we be sexist and assume it’s always the femmes fucking up in the relationship department.
We all know an Androgynous Remi. They always date the person they met in the bar who is absolutely drowning in red flags. They always complain about how Red Flags is cheating on them or not giving them attention or saying mean things. Then, after alienating nearly everyone in their life, Red Flags dumps Androgynous Remi, and everyone left tries their best to pretend that they didn’t see this implosion coming eight miles away and that Androgynous Remi’s heartbreak is totally warranted, even though it seems like a gigantic waste of time and energy. Finally, weeks later, Androgynous Remi is ready to get back out there, only to fall for someone else who lives with their parents while they pursue a career in “pro gaming.”
Androgynous Remi is exhausting, but they’re also stuck in this loop because their energy says, “I date losers because I think that’s all I deserve.” And losers are what they get! Androgynous Remi is incapable of attracting a proper partner because their energy signature is not vibrating at the level where someone who’s a catch would notice them. Until Androgynous Remi changes their energy, they will continue to be magnetic to less-than-ideal partners and repel the very people who would treat them like royalty.
Now, if you’re someone who is looking for love right now, this explanation might seem incredibly annoying. I hear you. Inner work is super simple, but it’s not easy. You, like most people who struggle in this arena, would probably prefer to try out a new dating app or go to a different bar or join a club where you’ll meet cute singles in your area.
That seems way more fun than taking a hard look at your limiting beliefs about yourself, love, relationships and what you deserve. And it would be more fun to take a pottery class and end up in that scene from Ghost but with a real human who has the bedroom skills to unlock your multiorgasmic level. But you have to do the inner work to get there. Mindset is everything, and you can’t be in the energy of bumping uglies with your Patrick Swayze if you can’t feel it’s possible. So, get after it, kid!
For those of you currently in relationships, the same thing applies but in a slightly different way. To ensure you’re getting what you want from your romantic partner, you have to ask yourself some questions: Am I happy in my relationship? What do I need to feel satisfied? What would make my relationship even better? How am I contributing to the problems/limitations in my relationship? What do I want to manifest in this union?
The answers to these questions will give you a roadmap of what you’re attracting and perpetuating in your romantic relationship, but they will also shine a pretty big light on your limiting beliefs. For example, if your parents had a contentious relationship, maybe you believe that relationships are a lot of work or that one person isn’t capable of satisfying another person’s needs completely. If you have a lot of friends who complain about their sex lives, maybe you believe that relationships don’t really need amazing sex to be healthy or worthwhile. Maybe you think everyone’s at least a little bit resentful of their partner all the time.
Similar to the singles above, the first step is to do the inner work to change the narrative. Limiting beliefs block the energy of what we want. They constrict the flow like kinks in a garden hose. Manifestation requires our vibration to be positive. We have to believe that what we want is possible, and we have to feel like we already have it. Here again, an example will help.
Last night, I sat on Randy’s lap while he was attempting to play his little handheld video game because I was needy for attention. I told him that I needed our relationship to be at least 58 percent sexier than it currently is. My limiting belief has been that having a young child is not conducive to bed frame bouncing fucks many times per week. And yea, maybe we need to chill on the bed frame cacophony so as not to wake the maniac, but we can definitely get down more than we have been…especially since we made the life-changing decision to put the Bean in her own room.
I want to feel more desired in my relationship. I want to be pursued. I don’t want to have to initiate every freaking time. I don’t want to be the one doing all the ass grabbing and compliment bestowing and flirty eyes from across the kitchen. But that also means I have to put in more effort to feel the desire I want, to love my body and embody the energy of attraction. I can’t just pout in the corner and hope things will magically change in the exact way I’m envisioning. If I want to manifest more sex, I have to start having more sex. That energy perpetuates itself. Like begets like.
So, give it a try. Look at yourself, embody what you want, take responsibility for what you’re bringing to the energetic table and manifest the fuck out of your relationship. When things feel easy, we tend to go on autopilot. Check in with yourself to ensure you’re actually attracting what you need to be happy and fulfilled. Regardless of whether you call it manifesting, the law of attraction or simply putting in the work, you’re the architect of your own life. It doesn’t have to be difficult. Vibrate the right energy and see how quickly the skepticism fades and the wayward pieces fall into place.
With pleasure,
Yes, Misstrix
P.S. One of the things I’m currently manifesting is that all the right people are reading my newsletter. That sounds dorky given the topic of this post, but it’s true. Manifestation really is on my mind. I’m working on vibrating the energy of fantastic success! If you’d like to help me, please share this newsletter with anyone in your world who would resonate with the content. Thank you in advance for spreading the word :)